Category: Safe Haven
Hi all,
Well after due consideration, I thought it would be best to put this topic in safe haven to hopefully get points of view without being verbally beaten. My mom and I were talking about funerals earlier today, and I wonder, what good are they? In my opinion, they just prolong the grief, and make things worse, and the only ones who benefit are the funeral director and the undertaker.It's like proffiting from people's tragedy. It's been said it's done to say good bye, but what's the point of saying good bye to someone who's already dead? Just my opinion though I guess.
wonderwoman
I have to disagree with you here. Funerals are good things because they give the grieving people a sense of closure after a long period of suffering. Also, they're a chance to celebrate the life of the deceased and all the good things he or she gave to the world and their family.
Hi, I have to agree with WonderWoman. If anything they are a time where every 1 goes and becomes sad and prolong the greeving prosess longer than it hasto be. When my grandfather died we had a funeral but than had a morning party? So let me get this streight We all get verry sad but now you want to selabrate his life? Um? I can do 1 or the other.
I agree with post three.
For and Against. Yeah it's nice to be able to say goodbye and be able to spend the last momments cherishing that person's life. On the other hand I can't stand going to them because of family whom I might not know or not like well have to spend that day in a room with them, not to mention go through the barage of questions about my disability over and over. And here's the kicker: You want me to go to a aunt's funeral but then you complain about the person the day before of her past? Now thats uncomforting. I'd like to spend my last momments with the decessed in private, not having eyes watching me at the casket so that I either don't hit it with my cane, cry my eyes out or trip on the step.
when you are alive, it's not always possible for you to be among all of your family at the one time, for reasons already mentioned. When you die, and people come to your funeral, it is so that they can say goodbye. In my oppinion, funerals are what you make them. You can either be sad, or you can be happy and and give thanks for that person's life. There may be people among you whom you don't and possibly never will, get along with, but this is not your day, it is the day of your loved one who will never be with you as some form of physical entity again. I'm sorry, but I believe that, if you can't put your squabbles aside for one day, to celebrate the life of someone that you have lost forever, you are very selfish. Life is too short.
I think that funerals bring a sense of closure. If gives people a chance to say goodbye. After all, death can happen so suddenly, we don’t always know when it is going to happen, and we can’t always be prepared for it. If there is a funeral, it gives people to reflect on that person’s life, and remember that person for the person he/she was. We don’t always get to say goodbye while that person is alive, so why not do it once they have passed, and once the funeral is over, people can get on with their lives. A friend of mine gave birth to a baby last year who was stillborn. She felt that the only way she could say goodbye to him was to bury him, and by burying him was the only way she felt she could come to terms with the fact he was actually dead. I do think though that one thing which prolongs the grieving process, is being buried rather than being cremated. Apart from the environmental reasons for not having graves, I think that having a grave does allow people to hold on for longer than could possibly be healthy. Not all people I would like to add, but some, it has to be said, will spend hours and hours and hours at a grave, unable to let go, whereas if that loved one is cremated it’s final, the end, over, and life must go on. And also I think if there is a grave there is a certain feeling of obligation to visit it. When I die, I would like to think that my son could say goodbye at my funeral, and then get on with the rest of his life. Sure, I would never want him to forget me, but I do think that I would rather he remembered in other ways, rather than him having to visit the cemetery on a regular basis.
I agree, it brings a since of closure and they are nice for that reason. I also think it's disrespectful to not attend a loved ones funeral.
Troy
Well, I have to agree with hulk hogan, I mean, I'd rather grieve alone, and the thing I hate about a lot of people showing up is, most of the time you're around people you haven't seen in years,and probably wouldn't see if it weren't for the persons death, and you sit around and talk about remember when the person did this or that, to me, it's hurtful, because it's a constant reminder that that person will never do those things again. Perhaps a few months down the road, after the grief has had time to lessen, it might get easier to talk about the person and talk about memories, but after a funeral, or before the funeral, for me at least, it's too soon.
wonderwoman
Hi Sugar baby,
I feel much as you do about a grave, I mean, in all probability, you're talking to, or visiting someone who in all likelyhood, doesn't even know you're there.I've never understood visiting graves either, I don't think it's disrespectufull not to visit a grave anymore after you've burried the person, but I guess it's a way of feeling closer to them for some reason. For me, when the person is gone, they're gone, and unlike some people who say they feel the persons presence near them, I don't feel anything, except the sense of that persons absence.
And Jessica's observation about having people asking her over and over again about her disability brings up the subject about what to talk or not to talk about at a funeral service. I think if she was at a funeral, they shouldn't've been going on about that anyway. Of course I guess people are just looking for something to say, but for me, if I'm around someone who's going through a death, I tell them I'm sorry for their loss, and unless otherwise indicated, I leave them alone, unless they want to talk.
wonderwoman
I was pretty tramatized at the first funeral I attended. Firsttime I saw a dead body, first funeral. First off I didn't bring dress clothes, so mom and I had to go out, buy dress pants, tops, and shoes. Then I twisted my ankle in the shoes and had to wear my regular tenner shoes for support. So then when it came to go to the casket, I was upset, the person laying in the casket was one of the aunts I was close to. And I had right to be upset. So then when we came home my uncle was so furious at me for being "over emotional." And going to the casket unassisted (uh tapping on the step isn't gonna hurt the casket.) or just staring at the dead person, nor making conversation with "anyone" he said he would've slapped me for my actions. After that we came straight home I didn't appricate what he said to mom and I over heard everything as I slept on the couch so exhusted. I told my grandma this and she was real furious at what she heard. And she told me that I was lending people a ear and shoulder to cry on (my grandfather for example, no one wanted to hear him grieve so I sat there that morning and listened.). Not to mention grieving for myself as your first funeral isn't the easiest. After that stint, I told family (and they're respectful because of what happened.) that I'd rather grieve in private and not go to a funeral. Now if it were for my parents, grandparents and sister I'd definately go as I'm close to them. But I don't think I'll go to another funeral after what happened. And we all have different views on weather it's acceptable or not to go to a funeral.
well apart from the fact that some feel they need to grieve alone, the main reason for not wanting to go to funerals seems to be that they don't wanna have to be nice to family that they haven't seen for years. so if this reasoning applies to funerals, shouldn't we apply it to weddings as well then? after all, at weddings, everyone is happy, and a lot of people get drunk, and the opportunities for falling out with the family are just that much greater! considering a funeral generally only goes on for an hour or so, whereas a wedding can last for the whole day.
Well, I can understand why funerals only last an hour, after the memorial service or eulogy is over, there isn't much to say, and people just don't want to drag it out any longer than it has to be drawn out. And Jessica, I'm sorry your other post was put down like that, you were just expressing a view, and I apologize that a post of mine caused you to be jumped on.
wonderwoman
Hi WW. You make a good point. From what I gather, what people like about funerals is that they provide a sort of closure thing, and help people accept a person's death and move on. That's what I gather anyway. I've only been to one or two myself, and I was young then.
Caitlin
Hi Caitlin,
Well, in my opinion, only time helps you come to grips with a death. It's been that way for me always.
wonderwoman
I agree with post 2!
Well, it's the burial that's really important. the bodies can't stay out to rot.
I agree with post two as well. I have only been to one funeral, but it was really a memorial for my uncle Leroy who had already been cremated. He passed away from cancer in ... uh ... 2005? ... Anyway, being there really upset me, but afterword, I came to terms with his passing, and am glad he is no longer in pain.
Hi, interesting topic! There are other reasons for funerals other than the ones already mentioned. funerals often help people identify with their culture. My friend's dad was Irish, so the family held an Irish-type funeral. Funerals also help one come to terms with one's own mortality. Of course, it's not something that we often like to think about, but it is true. My aunt lost her husband a long time ago. She never had any kind of service for him. Now, she wishes she would have, in order to give her children some closure. I also agree that funerals can be a great time to give thanks for the life that was lived. I've been to about 10 funerals and they were all unique in some way. viewings on the other hand, well, those can often be kind of odd. I remember going to my grandpa's. I'd never been to one before. I'd never seen my mom so emotional before. I just wanted to run out of the room. Now, I'm a bit more comfortable at them. I once had an uncle say "it's okay to touch stuff). I'm assuming he meant my grandma, who's viewing it was. I tried to thank him politely. Luckily, I didn't take him up on his offer. It is strange, to look into a casket and to see your once-lively relative not moving though! I didn't linger too long. I have to say, I've never taken a cane to a funeral. There's nothing wrong with that, I've just never done it. Even though they can sometimes feel weird, viewings too, sometimes help to accept a death.
I think that apart from the saying goodbye to the dead person aspect, funerals are also for people to pay their respects to the dead person's relatives. You commemorate the dead person's life and at the same time show the family that you also cared about their loved one, and that his/her life mattered. Personally, and this may be vanity speaking, the thought that I will have a funeral and that people will come together to acknowledge my life, pathetic though it may have been, one more time, and that they will show their support to the loved ones I leave behind appeals to me.
You know, I feel the same way sometimes in my job as a bugler for military members and veterans. But then, after I perform Taps and the ceremony is over, the family feels very good. I think maybe funerals bring closure to the family and allow them to move on with their lives but remember the person is in a good place.